The past 10 days have been difficult...the long, long journey home from Africa, the stuffy head-cold, the long trek to Pennsylvania, the funeral of my dear uncle, the return home, and through it all, the pervading sense of unreality. And so, it was with great surprise and gratification that I awoke this morning feeling fully in the land of the living. Or rather I should say, the feeling rose to the surface during my morning "quiet time".
For those of you who do not know, I have had the habit, for the past 20 years or so, of spending some time alone each morning with my books and journal, a cup of coffee at my side, reading and reflecting and writing. It has become a ritual for me- life-giving and nourishing to my spirit- and I missed it greatly during my African trip. And so, in an attempt to re-order my life, I have been setting a bit of time aside each morning this week to re-establish this healing rite. And it was during that time this morning when I felt the huge burden of sadness and grief, which I had not even realized I was carrying, fall away. I felt...feel...connected, deeply connected to all those I met in Africa, to all of you who journeyed with me, to all I love and all I have yet to meet...to ALL of life...and it was, is, a gloriously healing feeling.
Admittedly, my writing muse has not yet returned...my poetry lies fallow. But fallow times are necessary if the soil is to be prepared for new growth, and so I wait patiently. In the meantime, I am opening myself to whatever creative energies and activities occur...I am re-connecting with those I hold dear and maintaining connections with those who I will not see again for a long, long time. I am once again HERE...at least for the moment. And it feels wonderful!
Welcome home, Linda! Welcome back! Your "life" is waiting for you here.
After a long, long, long trip home- leaving Kenya at 11:45p.m. Sunday (4:45p.m. EDT), I walked into my house at 2a.m. Tuesday morning, EDT (9a.m. Kenya time)...almost 36 hours later. Finally fell asleep about 4a.m. and was wakened by the phone at 8:30a.m. Impossible to get back to sleep so I'm pushing myself to stay awake for a while longer to begin to reset my biological clock.
Life has a way of never being simple, though, and as I sat in the Atlanta airport, checking my email, I learned that my dear uncle- actually more like a big brother since he was only 8 years my senior- had died yesterday morning, after a lengthy struggle with Parkinson's disease. I knew he had been slipping further and further away while I was gone, and my cousin- his elder daughter- kept me informed as, from the other side of the world, I surrounded John and his family with blessing and light and love daily. So, priority One...getting enough rest so that I can head north on Friday for the funeral on Saturday.
Reflection on my journey is presently impossible...brain is simply too tired. The best I can do is focus on my overwhelming thankfulness at being home...so here is a list of the biggest "thank yous":
- First and foremost, my own bed and pillow. Sigh...ah...wonderful.
- Water- safe, potable water coming from the tap. After drinking enough bottled water over the past 5 weeks to sail a small armada, drinking and brushing my teeth with water from the tap was a true gift.
- Driving my car- my own lovely little Honda Civic- in manageable High Point traffic.
- Shopping in a familiar grocery store where everything is clean and refrigerated and appetizing.
- The refrigerator in my small kitchen...with ice cubes and cold water and other tasty items.
- The dependable wifi in my own home.
- The hot water in my bathroom just waiting- at my beck and call- to provide me with a wonderful, cleansing shower any time I want it.
- My son here at home who made sure my plants were watered and who left the light burning in the living room for my return.
- My other son and daughter and daughter-in-law who have been sending me messages all during my trip, and have been holding me in their hearts as I traveled.
- And my wonderful, funny, loving, thoughtful, intelligent, caring uncle who so enriched my life and the lives of all who knew him for all of his 77 years- far too short in so many ways and yet so full and so filled with meaning.
And now it's time to try for a nap...phone off the hook...to begin resetting my body to North Carolina time...and later, to begin catching up on laundry and paying bills, etc. I'm back home...sort of...
