Inner Conflict...

Written at Sarova Mara Safari Camp, 2 August

torn apart...
Torn apart...
emotionally shredded...
mentally at odds with myself...
spiritually disconcerted...

Here I sit, surrounded by
   luxurious comfort,
   every need met by
   the hard-working hands of others...
             and I am enjoying it!

Oh, yes, I enjoy the comfortable
bed and well-appointed bath,
enjoy the game rides and the gentle
African voices asking again & again
about my needs, my comfort.
But during a lunch I could barely eat,
I pictured all of my dear friends-
in Kibera, Mathare, Kigali-
   struggling each day to put simple food
   on their tables
   walking bcause they have nothing to
   drive
   earning each month far less than
   one night's lodging at this place...
How their eyes would widen at
the excesses found here, at the things
we guests take for granted, as our right,
perhaps...after all, we paid for them, didn't we?

So- how do I reconcile the two?
      How make sense of the disparate worlds
         I populate with my small presence?
      How do I live a life of plenty when faced
         with so much lack?
                        
               or do I simply turn my back,
               leaving crying needs behind,
               convinced that my paltry pittance is so small
               that no difference will ensue...
               poverty and pain will ever be,
               regardless what I do-
               and surely my tears of shame and sadness
               cannot water Africa's sun-parched soil...

Torn                               apart...
Shriven                          in two...
I want to go home.
Dear God, I WANT TO GO HOME!